SelfUnfocused

Coming to terms with being human.

10.08.2004

A Thought for the Restless

How many times have you sat alone in a coffee house and stared into the liquid black abyss of your coffee cup to see the blasted reflection of your own mortal futility staring back at you as you sit still while being jettisoned towards the end of your life? Your thoughts ricochet like wild bullets fired into an iron-walled room. Getting older. Every day closer to death. Never took advantage of your youth. Squandered your resources. Old relationships come back to haunt you as you reference them against the one you’re trapped in now or the one you wish you were. Your obsessions scream and taunt you from the corners of your eyes. Your thoughts smash down like a neural hammer on your cranial anvil. One thing becomes clear as you look at the tables full of people chattering away like dolphins on speed – only the strong dare to drink from the bottomless insomnia mother pool alone. That would be you.

-Henry Rollins-
Intro: TMCM’s Parade of Tirade

Why the quote? It describes an aspect of my life. It reminds me that even the loners have a thousand others just like them, separated by geography and time, yet joined in soul and spirit. A hundred times I’ve taken a seat in some dim corner, making it obvious that this table for two is now a table for one. I’ve wondered about the last person in my position, then the next person. Are we different? Are we kin? Is my best chance for friendship occupying the same space, but just a few frames ahead of me? It’s the power of the temporal. An hour separates two people more completely than a thousand miles. What could be more distant than the parallel?

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